My first ever vlog

Here it is...my first ever vlog! And no, there's no vagina logs as was suggested to me this morning on facebook - Boobs, you crack me up!

Wow, I never really noticed how annoying my voice is LOL. Sorry my first vlog was so uninteresting....I'm sure the next one will be so much better :).

Things I know - The Musical

I know that I looooove this song.

I know that I hate this song

I know that this is my favourite band

I know that no-one would expect me to like this

I know that I danced my bridal waltz to this song

I definitely know that this song gets in your head and NEVER LEAVES!!!

I'm linking up with Shae from Yay For Home! for Things I Know. Make sure you head on over to her blog to see what she and everyone else knows this week!!

Wordless Wednesday...This is Us

This one is home, sick....apparently

This one is doing her best to annoy everybody

This one wants my phone to play Talking Tom

This one just looks at everyone with her "WTF is everyone doing?" face

And there's me, complete with bed-hair and no make-up trying to survive another day of bedlam.

Today, for the first time, I'm linking up with Trish at My Little Drummer Boys for Wordless Wednesday.

Please head on over to her page and check out some of the awesome pics that have been submitted.  I love Wordless Wednesdays xx.

The Husband saved my soul

I didn't post yesterday.  I wanted to, but I couldn't.

See, if I did, what you would have been reading could have been similar to a suicide note.

I'm not in a good place right now.

And I did write a note. Maybe not a suicide note, although "those" thoughts have been plaguing my head for days. But I wrote a note to my husband - of all the blackness and heart-aches that have been churning in my head - the things I couldn't say out loud to him for fear of ridicule.

I don't know why I thought he'd do that.  I have a constant fear that people will not like me or what I have to say.  That they will call me irrational and that I'm crazy.  So I thought he would too.  I wrote it all down and told him to read it far away from me so I wouldn't have to see the disappointment in his face.

The disappointment that I'm not the woman he thought I was....that I'm not the strong one....the level-headed one.  I'm the one who is cracked and broken.

I won't go into details - not that I want to keep it secret from you but I just don't know if I can put words like that down again.  But The Husband read my note and he did just what I wanted him to do.....he hugged me and told me that everything would be ok.

Sure, we talked more but the end result is that he loves me, and my children love me and even though I'm still in a VERY deep hole - I can see a tiny little pin-prick of light when I look up. Bit by bit that pin-prick of light is getting a little bit bigger.

One day soon, I will emerge. Until then, I will rely on my husband to soothe my soul when I cannot. I will work my way through this with his love and support.  He may have to carry me for a while but he is strong and he is able.

And I love him with every part of my being.

Things I know - The Bogan Edition

I know I'm a bogan because I wear ugg boots - EVERYWHERE.

I know I'm a bogan because I don't buy real ugg boots but I do buy the cheap $15 ones from BigW.

I know I'm a bogan because I love Holden Commodores.

I know I'm a bogan because I've owned 3 Commodores and they've all had a sports exhaust.

I know I'm a bogan because I grew up in Western Sydney. It's the default option - no choice there.

I know I'm a bogan because I'd rather live in Blacktown instead of "some-North-Shore-area-I-never-go-to".

I know I'm a bogan because I swear like a trucker and I actually think being a trucker would be a pretty cool career.

I know I'm a bogan because I'd rather go to the drags than an arts and craft market.

I know I'm a bogan because I don't eat jus or reductions, but I do eat sauce and gravy.

I know I'm a bogan because I like listening to heavy metal music and I think guys in boy bands are too soft.

I know I'm a bogan because I can strip down a carburettor and put it back together but I can't figure out how to wear a scarf nicely without looking like a try-hard dick.

I know I'm a bogan because I think burnouts are awesome. Unfortunately the MILF-mobile doesn't bag them up that well (I've tried).

Today I'm linking up with Yay for Home!'s Things I Know :) Make sure you check it out!!

The day a mouse made me cry

There's a mouse plague at the moment - all over the damn country - including my house.  We have been battling them for months. We think we've got them all, and then - scurry scurry scurry - the little furry bastards are back again.

Kate from Picklebums has been battling them too. Read about her dilemma of a hiding dead mouse. (And make sure you check out her blog while you're there because it's all kinds of awesome fun.)

I feel her pain.  We've finally managed to eradicate most of the hairy little blighters with baits - under the house and some very well hidden in the house.  What The Husband failed to think about was what if the mice died while still in the house because they couldn't find a way out?  So now I find dead mice all over the place - OMG, I'm going to vomit. Well, it's not like it's a carpet of dead mice, but the odd one here and there and they totally freak me out because BANG!! there they are, sitting there, dead, when you least expect it.  Thank goodness Master 8 has no qualms about removing them if The Husband isn't around.

But I have one small problem.

The last 2 nights, I've seen a very teeny tiny baby mouse running/hopping across my loungeroom floor.  And I mean TINY - its body is about an inch long.

And I felt so awful.  We've killed this poor little baby's Mummy and brothers & sisters and now it has to go out on it's own to find food.

I told The Husband how bad I felt and he laughed at me.  He doesn't get the whole "mummy-guilt" concept. When I said to him, "imagine if we'd been killed off and our babies had to go out on their own to try and survive", he knew I'd truly lost the plot.

Maybe I have?  Should I care about a silly little baby mouse?  I mean, it's just a rodent - but I'm sure even rodents have feelings.  I wonder how it felt when it's Mum left one day for food and never came back?  Crap, now I'm going to cry again.

The Husband wants to set the traps/bait again, but I feel so bad.  Would you?

My parenting - My way

Take a step into any parenting forum online and you'll soon see, quite clearly, how parenting can vary between one person and the next.

Take a step into any parenting forum online and you'll soon see how some women will attack other's for their parenting choices.

I've seen it so many times I've lost count. And it never fails to make me sick when I see mums being attacked for the way they parent their own children.

In my own experiences, these often come from the so-called "alternative" parents (I'm not saying "all", I have some very good "natural parenting" mums I consider good friends).

But while they are a small group, they have a very loud voice and are always quick to state their opinion LOUD and CLEAR.

It starts from pregnancy and never stops.....

"What? You're seeing an obstetrician? Don't you KNOW all they want to do is slice you up and take your money?

"You're having a c-section? Don't you KNOW there is absolutely NO REASON why you can't give birth naturally? Tell your OB to stick it."

"You're having an epidural?  Don't you KNOW the risks involved? How that one injection will start a cascade of intervention ending with an emergency c-section?"

"You chose to bottle-feed your baby?  How could you be so selfish to deny your baby such an important thing like breastmilk?"

"You're using disposable nappies? My god, think of the environment! Do you not care about your children's future?"

"You're doing controlled crying? Don't you KNOW your child will be scarred for life and will forever have abandonment issues?

"You're baby doesn't sleep in your bed?  Don't you CARE that your baby wants you near you?"


Honestly, I could go on and on.

These are just a few of the things I've heard over the years - along with one friend being told her child will be obese because he was bottle-fed and another mum being told her child will become a mentally mal-adjusted serial killer because her bub was born by c-section.

Pathetic really.

Why do women do this to each other?  I could not give a RAT'S ASS how a baby got here, what they were fed, where they slept or what type of nappy is on their bum.  All I care about is whether that baby is loved.  And they always are - most wholeheartedly.

I don't support the methods of parenting - I support the parents that are using those methods and if it works for them, even if it's different from what I do with my own children, then GOOD ON THEM.

Why some have to belittle other's choices is COMPLETELY beyond me. Do they ever think of the harm they could be causing?  I would never in A MILLION YEARS tell a women to disregard what their doctor told them!! Yeah yeah, I know, a woman's body was designed to give birth and we've been doing it since the dawn of time.

A lot of women have fucking died giving birth since the dawn of time. Funny how that never seems come up though - selective memories I think.

I would loved to have homebirthed, but part of me felt safer in a hospital - so fucking shoot me - that somehow makes me a lesser parent, because I cared enough that I wanted me and my baby/ies to be safe?

I would loved to have breastfed my children for longer than I did, but I couldn't. It's not that I didn't want to, I just couldn't. So stop making me feel even more shit than I already do.

I don't like my kids sleeping in my bed because I can't sleep when they're in it.  And I value my sleep. Call me selfish - whatever.  I need sleep in order to function so I don't run us off the road the next day when I fall asleep while driving.

I use dummies, I use disposable nappies, sometimes I yell and sometimes my kids get a smack. I don't care what anyone else thinks about what I do - I just know what works for us and what keeps me reasonably sane each day.  If you gave birth under a tree, breastfed, carried your baby in a sling for all hours of the day and slept in the same bed, well then good for you - glad your happy. Doesn't mean I'm a shittier parent then you.

The end result is that we love our kids more than anything. So what if the method is different?

I'd be interested to hear your thoughts.