That awkward moment when you move house and break your ankle

Ok, so I know it's been AGES since I last posted - like, 6 weeks or something. So very, very slack of me.

So I guess I better update you all on what's been happening with all of us.....

We got the house we applied for which I mentioned in my last post.  So very thrilled!  But of course, then the craziness of packing and moving ensued.  We did the move ourselves with my Dad driving the rental truck down to Melbourne.  As fate would have it, it poured with rain on the day we moved out of our house. Never want to do that again!  The drive down was uneventful and the kids were well behaved - I wasn't sure how they'd go with it all as they'd never been on such a long road-trip before but they handled it very well.

We arrived in Melbourne, went to the real estate agent and signed our lease and picked up the keys and spent the rest of the day unloading all our worldly possessions with the help of some very dear friends who were so very kind to help us out.

The day went well and smoothly.  One of my friends offered us a lounge-suite to us for FREE - can't say no to a freebie so my Dad and I went out to her house (about an hour away) late that afternoon with the truck to pick it up.

I picked up a couple of the lounge cushions to take them out to the truck and soon learnt a very valuable lesson....uneven ground plus thousands of dropped gumnuts plus a pair of thongs makes for a very painful fall.

Yep, I slipped and in the process dislocated and broke my right ankle.....just what I fucking needed.

The ambulance was called, the green whistle was administered and my dear friend had the great idea of taking a pic of me too (God love her - when I saw the pic on FB it made me laugh so much, but that could have been the morphine LOL).

I won't bore you with all the hospital details but to cut a long story short, I fell on the Thursday night, I had the operation to put in a couple of plates and oodles of screws on my ankle on Monday afternoon and I was home on the Tuesday.

Open cast and big bag of ice to keep the swelling down in the days before they operated

I find this really cool and fascinating and then I start freaking out about how there's half a hardware store in my leg

So then I was hobbling around on crutches which I haven't done since I was 5 when I broke my leg and I reckon it sucks a whole lot more than it did back then. I hate the bastards, so now I'm using my desk chair as a makeshift wheelchair while I scoot around the house (thank God for tiles!). I've also got an old lady stool for the shower and a toilet frame around the loo - so lovely *sigh*.

But I've been taking it all in my stride. The Husband is still home with us all and helping out heaps and some dear friends have been helping out and visiting me too so I don't go too insane.  The kids have been great and Master 8 has been really awesome at being my little helper.

Thanks to my amazing amount of clumsiness I've also been given a new nickname.  "Marti" doesn't quite cut it anymore so I've now been dubbed "Gutter Girl" which I think is hilarious. Hey, that's what friends are for LOL.

I had a hospital appointment on Wednesday to have the old cast removed, stitches taken out and a new cast put in in whichever colour I wanted.....so of course I chose purple....

Quite comfy and stylish and functional, yes?

So, in a nutshell, that's what has been going on with all of us lately....great timing of course. I'll fill you all in with some more details in further posts over the next couple of weeks.

If you've ever had a stupid stack or broken something I'd love for you to share it - so I don't feel so vertically challenged!!

It's on like Donkey Kong!

So I did a mad trip down to Melbourne on Friday to look at houses for our move. I flew back home on Saturday night and I was absolutely knackered!!!  I saw so many houses I've lost count.  But we've got an application in for a place that would be perfect for us - so fingers crossed!!

Going back down to Melbourne only reaffirmed why we think it's a great idea....

1.  It just looks so much nicer than Sydney

2.  The roads "work" there and actually look like they've been laid out with some foresight in mind.

3.  Most main roads are 80kph - as they should be in Sydney, but are not.

4.  The people are lovely and very welcoming (except for one property manager I met who was "one of those" who are totally full of their own self-importance - I haven't applied for that property out of principle).

5.  The airport is easier to figure out than Sydney's airport.

6.  The houses are just so much cheaper!!

7.  What can I say? I just love it down there.

I can't wait until we're there. We're starting countdown mode with ONE MONTH exactly until our move.

Bring it on!!!

Zits, Babies and Stuff

Pure laziness personified :D

Fuck I hate these freeze frames.

If you have to watch a vlog....make it this one!

So I've done another vagina log.

And no, it's really not as important as I've made it out to be....but heck, just watch it anyway, will ya?

You just gotta love those freeze-frames, don't you?  Sheesh!!




NB: To those I know in real life, don't freak out, the christening is not this week... it will be early October, but I'm organising it this week, so don't get all huffy thinking I didn't invite you :).

Things I know - I used to be hot, once

I used to be totally smokin' hot, once upon a time.

And then I had children.

I know my vajayjay will never, ever be the same again. I think I need to call these guys and make an appointment.

I know that giving birth and going through the challenges of raising children, has given me an even more filthy mouth than I did before.

Maybe not, but fuck it, I don't give a shit.

I know that my ass is now pushing for its own postcode.

I know that since breastfeeding my boobs are now following the laws of gravity a little too closely.

And I know that I have about another 15-20 years of lack of sleep ahead of me and these bags under my eyes will soon be a permanent feature of my face.

I found this when searching for remedies for baggy eyes....WTF????

I'm linking up with Shae from Yay For Home! for Things I Know.  Check out the link to see what everyone else knows this week!

A letter to my Dad....

Dear Dad

So it's Fathers Day this Sunday and I thought I'd take this opportunity to pay a bit of a tribute to you. Not that you'll ever see this, but I'd like to get it down on paper, so to speak.

Dad, I'd be lying if I said our relationship wasn't a sometimes rocky one.  We go from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows.  Something to do with the fact that we're so damn similar in personalities - we either get on great, or fight like mad.  It's our stubborn streak that proves our undoing.

I remember you, when I was a kid, as someone to be loved but I was also sometimes scared of you.  But I don't hold any ill-will over that. You were just doing the best you could - like we all do.

We used to have some great times together. Like when I would help you work on our cars handing you spanners and sockets when you needed them. You taught me so much about cars and how they work, stuff that I still know today and has proved invaluable.  You also passed on your love of Holdens to me and I love that we can sit together and watch Bathurst together every year and bag Fords out to our heart's content (much to The Husband's dismay who sadly, is a Ford fan).

I used to love going to work with you during my school holidays. You were a delivery driver and would start your days at 4am delivering crumpets to supermarkets. We'd sit in the van together and sing along to the radio.  Then we'd stop at a park for morning tea where you'd crack open your thermos to have a cuppa and I'd eat the lollypop you'd just bought me as a treat.  Those were really good times.

I remember how you used to pick me up from primary school in a royal blue tracksuit with the white stripes on the side - the jacket and the pants - and I used to think you were so daggy. I used to wish you wouldn't come to the gate to collect me because I felt embarrassed. Especially if you were still wearing your slippers too.

Dad, you've always been a really good speaker and people often asked you to do speeches at weddings and different functions.  You were always really nervous and you'd have a few drinks (or more) to settle your nerves, but you always came good and did an awesome job (even if you were wearing a bad tie).

One thing I've always loved about you Dad, is how you always make two cups of coffee for yourself at the one time so you don't have to get up to make another one when the first one runs out. And yes, it's cold, but you drink it anyway.  Maybe that's where I got my laziness from.  But you're one heck of an ideas man Dad.

We had a doozy of a fight once, in the car, when you picked me up one day in my final year of high school. I'd had my shirt signed by all my friends and you hit the roof. Even though I was never going to wear the shirt again you went on and on about how it was defacing something that wasn't mine....I still don't get your point Dad, but I remember how bad the fight was. That wasn't a good day - and something I think neither of us are that proud of.

I also remember how you dyed your hair and MOUSTACHE brown to go to my school formal because you wanted to hide the grey hairs.  OMG, you looked hilarious. I have a photo of it somewhere, but be darned if I could find it.  I wish I could - you would laugh so much at how silly you looked.  But I love how you did that for me - you wanted to look good for me in front of my friends.

I remember how tickled pink you were when I met The Husband and how you thought he was completely normal and a great guy and you both liked the same things and all that.  I think you would have married him if you could.  Now, he wasn't as normal as you might have thought (but he is totally great) but you both got on famously - and still do.  It's true what they say, that girls pick guys just like their dads.  Well, it's true for me anyway.

I don't think I've ever seen you look as proud as you did the day The Husband and I got married. And you looked so dapper in your suit.

In 2002 when you had your stroke, my God, that was one of the scariest times of my life. And when you had surgery to clear a blockage in your carotid artery and I saw you afterwards in ICU with tubes coming out of you everywhere....I cried and cried. I so didn't want to lose you. And I didn't. You came good and were home soon after.  You still show everyone the scar on your neck - like it's something to be proud of. In a way it is. It's because of that stroke and subsequent surgery that you quit smoking. Something I thought you'd never do. I'm so proud of you for doing that - and doing it so easily.

I thought I was going to lose you again when you were diagnosed with kidney cancer a few years later.  But you had more surgery to remove most of the dodgy kidney and this year you were given the all clear.  My relief was huge.

But your true shining moments have been when you're with my kids. Your grandchildren.  When Master 8 was born, you couldn't get the smile off your face. And you've been an amazing Grandad to them all.  You used to look after Master 8 every day when I went back to work - not many Grandads would be happy to do that on their own every day, but you did. And you rocked it.

The kids love and adore you and you know what?  So do I - to have you be such an awesome Grandad to them means the world to me.

I love you, Dad xxx

Things I know - A peek into 1986

Inspired by a friend's recent blog post 1986, I've decided to give you all a peek into my 1986....

I know that in 1986 I turned 9 years old.

I know that my parents didn't buy me one of these, no matter how much I begged.

I know that I lived in a suburb of this council area

I know that I lived right next door to a park that had this in the middle of it. My friends from next door and I would sit in there all the time and look at all the rude words and penis pictures that were scratched into the wooden benches and we would giggle soooo much.

I know that my Mum used to drive me around in this, it was even the same colour

I know that I loved this girl's music a whole lot, much to my mother's displeasure

I know that I went to school here. And when I drove past it recently on a little nostalgia trip I now know that it looks NOTHING like it used to.

I know that I was at that awkward stage of my life where my front teeth would have looked better in a rabbit's mouth than mine.

I know that I had a crappy costume for Book Week but I got a certificate anyway. And I loved it because it was so pretty.

I know that I went on a trip with my Mum and people from my school's parish church to see this guy celebrate Mass at Randwick Racecourse.

I also know that I was becoming painfully aware that I wasn't like the other people I went to school with. They had "money" (maybe not quite Mosman money, but money nonetheless).  We didn't have money and it was starting to feel really awkward when my friends had the best of everything; great toys, two storey houses, birthday parties every year.

I didn't have those things.

But I KNOW I don't regret that. My parents did their absolute best to give me the best childhood they could.  And they succeeded.

I'm linking up with Shae at Yay for Home for Things I Know. Head on over to check out what everyone knows this week :).

My first ever vlog

Here it is...my first ever vlog! And no, there's no vagina logs as was suggested to me this morning on facebook - Boobs, you crack me up!

Wow, I never really noticed how annoying my voice is LOL. Sorry my first vlog was so uninteresting....I'm sure the next one will be so much better :).

Things I know - The Musical

I know that I looooove this song.

I know that I hate this song

I know that this is my favourite band

I know that no-one would expect me to like this

I know that I danced my bridal waltz to this song

I definitely know that this song gets in your head and NEVER LEAVES!!!

I'm linking up with Shae from Yay For Home! for Things I Know. Make sure you head on over to her blog to see what she and everyone else knows this week!!

The Husband saved my soul

I didn't post yesterday.  I wanted to, but I couldn't.

See, if I did, what you would have been reading could have been similar to a suicide note.

I'm not in a good place right now.

And I did write a note. Maybe not a suicide note, although "those" thoughts have been plaguing my head for days. But I wrote a note to my husband - of all the blackness and heart-aches that have been churning in my head - the things I couldn't say out loud to him for fear of ridicule.

I don't know why I thought he'd do that.  I have a constant fear that people will not like me or what I have to say.  That they will call me irrational and that I'm crazy.  So I thought he would too.  I wrote it all down and told him to read it far away from me so I wouldn't have to see the disappointment in his face.

The disappointment that I'm not the woman he thought I was....that I'm not the strong one....the level-headed one.  I'm the one who is cracked and broken.

I won't go into details - not that I want to keep it secret from you but I just don't know if I can put words like that down again.  But The Husband read my note and he did just what I wanted him to do.....he hugged me and told me that everything would be ok.

Sure, we talked more but the end result is that he loves me, and my children love me and even though I'm still in a VERY deep hole - I can see a tiny little pin-prick of light when I look up. Bit by bit that pin-prick of light is getting a little bit bigger.

One day soon, I will emerge. Until then, I will rely on my husband to soothe my soul when I cannot. I will work my way through this with his love and support.  He may have to carry me for a while but he is strong and he is able.

And I love him with every part of my being.

Things I know - The Bogan Edition

I know I'm a bogan because I wear ugg boots - EVERYWHERE.

I know I'm a bogan because I don't buy real ugg boots but I do buy the cheap $15 ones from BigW.

I know I'm a bogan because I love Holden Commodores.

I know I'm a bogan because I've owned 3 Commodores and they've all had a sports exhaust.

I know I'm a bogan because I grew up in Western Sydney. It's the default option - no choice there.

I know I'm a bogan because I'd rather live in Blacktown instead of "some-North-Shore-area-I-never-go-to".

I know I'm a bogan because I swear like a trucker and I actually think being a trucker would be a pretty cool career.

I know I'm a bogan because I'd rather go to the drags than an arts and craft market.

I know I'm a bogan because I don't eat jus or reductions, but I do eat sauce and gravy.

I know I'm a bogan because I like listening to heavy metal music and I think guys in boy bands are too soft.

I know I'm a bogan because I can strip down a carburettor and put it back together but I can't figure out how to wear a scarf nicely without looking like a try-hard dick.

I know I'm a bogan because I think burnouts are awesome. Unfortunately the MILF-mobile doesn't bag them up that well (I've tried).

Today I'm linking up with Yay for Home!'s Things I Know :) Make sure you check it out!!

Lucky? Yeah, I guess I am

So I've been on a bit of a downer lately, but today, I refuse to indulge that side of me and talk about something that makes me happy.

Although every time I look at Master 8's school fees for this term, I can feel the anger bubbling up again.

Grrrr, makes me so mad; the money-hungry so-and-so's. I'd just love to tell them where to stick their.....

Sorry, got lost in the moment there. Where was I? Oh yeah, what makes me happy.

Well, these make me happy....

Although not so happy when I see how big my ass has gotten from over-indulging.

But back to my point.

Ever since leaving school and before I had children I always worked in an office environment. I loved it.  It was something I was good at.  I kept at it for a while when I went back to work after having Master 8. But then some cracks started to creep in....suddenly my career wasn't as important as my child (who'd have thunk it?).  So I quit working. The Husband was supportive. My plan was to take a few months off working and then find a job that required no real "thought" and no real "responsibility".

So I started working in retail on a register. It was perfect for me.  But, as things often go for me, I was so darn good at it I was promoted to a supervisor.  I took it on and while I didn't mind it so much, I wasn't entirely thrilled with the crap that would come my way from customers.  I don't mean the ones who had a right to complain - I mean the ones that were totally outrageous and abusive.  I mean the ones that would shoplift and I would have to confront them. Being spat at by junkies. I could go on and on.

I fell pregnant with Miss 3 and that gave me an out.  Not long after she was born, I decided I needed to get back into doing some work to help out. I wasn't happy with all the pressure being on The Husband to provide for us all.  So I looked into night work so I wouldn't have to throw money away on daycare (Master 8 was at school by this stage and Miss 3 was 6 months old).  I applied for nightfill work with supermarkets - again, I wanted a job that was low stress and low responsibility.  But nothing was coming my way.

Until I got a phone call from one particular supermarket chain who wanted to interview me for a supervisor position on checkouts due to my past experience. I hesitated, but it was night work, so I went in for the interview and I got the job.  It was much the same as my past supervising experience and more than I wanted from a job.  I fell pregnant again (with Master 21mths) and I worked through my pregnancy and went on leave a few weeks before he was born.  I had planned to return to work but when the time came, I just couldn't do it.  Turns out having babies is a great way to leave employment on a good note :).

So imagine what I was thinking when I logged into my "home" - a community I had been a part of since 2002 and a moderator since 2005 and saw that a position was opening to become an Admin....a PAID job on the site I loved! That I could do totally from HOME! I couldn't apply fast enough. And I got the job!!  So, so blessed.

And also very blessed to be working with the beautiful Chantelle from FatMumSlim.  She is such an angel and someone I love chatting to. Also insanely jealous that she's overseas at the BlogHer conference in San Diego right now - but she deserves it xx.

So now my days are spent looking after my kids, tapping away on the computer in an effort to make Birth an even more amazing place, flitting around on Facebook, doing the housework, and I don't even have to get out of my pyjamas if I don't want to (although Master 8 HATES it when I take him to school in my PJs, so I do it on purpose just to piss him off).

So when I'm feeling really dark like I have been lately, I just need to remember how lucky I really am....to be doing something that I love, with people that I love and all from the comfort of my own home. I wish all Mums had this option available to them.

Well I better get back to work, but tell me: Do you work from home? If you don't would you like to?  Pros and Cons for working from home?

Why do I even bother?

Sometimes, I just feel really fucked up in the head and I don't know why I even bother being around the people that love me when I'm in such a feral mood.

This post from Gemma at My Big Nutshell - My motherhood ceiling really reminded me that I'm at my uppermost limit RIGHT NOW.

I've been like it for days and I just can't shift it.  There's such a thing as the "fight or flight" reflex.  I fall into the "flight" category because I just can't fight anymore.  I just want to get far, far away from everything and everyone.

This isn't a new thing for me.  About every twelve months or so it creeps up on me and BAM! smacks me right in the back of the head and screams YOU HAVE TO GET OUT!!!!

Not "get out" forever - I could never do that.  But I need to get away to remember who I AM.  Everything about me is Mum Mum MUM!  And right now, even though I love my kids more than I love myself, I don't want to be MUM.....I want to be Marti. I don't want people to want me, need me, rely on me.  I just want to BE ME.

The past few years I've treated this problem with a trip to another state; all on my own for a few days. I stay in a nice hotel, catch up with a couple of friends and chill out.  It's a time where I don't have to do anything I don't want to do, don't have to look after anybody, don't have to think of anyone else before I choose to do something.  I can't even begin to tell you how amazing that feels.  When I get back home to my family I feel refreshed and alive and glad to be home.

But I can't do that this time. Why?

Because the Mummy Guilt is eating away at me.  My youngest is only 5 months old (well, she will be on Friday).  How could I leave her when she's so little?  I must be the most AWFUL mother in the world for even contemplating it.

So here I sit, with this blackness inside of me that's eating at me, so slowly.  Wondering how I can get through another day without running out the door, without yelling at my kids, without breaking down in tears.

Tomorrow might be a better day, but today is totally fucked.

And so another year has passed

It was my birthday on Saturday.....34. The more I get into my 30s the more I dislike it.  Nothing I can do about it....or is there?  Guess I better start buying copious amounts of face cream and slapping it on in a vain attempt to recapture my youth?

I was quite looking forward to having a sleep in.  They just don't happen in my house - for me, anyway.  So I thought being my birthday I'd qualify - but nope.  I woke bright and early to hear 2 little cherubs fighting over the Wii and Playstation.

Master 8 was kind enough to wish me happy birthday. Miss 3 said she didn't want to say happy birthday because her legs were tired.

So I guess you could say I didn't start the day off on a good note but was optimistic the day would improve.  The Husband finally dragged himself out of bed at 10.30 when I set the kids loose on him. I huffed and puffed and put washing away while he stumbled around the house.  I knew he was up to something but decided to channel my bad mood into showing those folded clothes who's boss.

Soon after The Husband called me into the lounge room to present my birthday gift.  If you remember, he said I was going to loooove it - and he was right.

A massage chair for my desk :).  And it is awesome!!  Very thoughtfully, he wanted me to sit in comfort while I do my work.  As well as being a full-time SAHM, I also work as an administrator for a pregnancy and birth website so spend a fair bit of time in front of the computer (there's also massive amounts of facebook time, but let's keep that between us, right?).

So I was quite taken aback by his thoughtfulness :).

Miss 3 acquired the ribbon from my chair and soon informed me that she was my present and finally wished me happy birthday.

But the bad mood soon returned. I felt like slothing on the lounge watching movies so after pissing Master 8 off all week with talk of Doc Emmett Brown and flux capacitors (I'll tell you about it one day), I decided it was time he watch it and become enamoured with Back To The Future (or is that just me?).

Master 8 was glued to it.  He asked me afterwards if the movie was really old. I said it depended on what he meant by "old". So he asked when it was made and when I said 1985, he said "FAR OUT - THAT'S ALMOST AS OLD AS YOU!!!"

Thanks, Son.

I kicked the big kids out in the backyard while the younger two slept and scared myself absolutely silly by watching Paranormal Activity.  I'd had it sitting in my IQ for months but had never grown the balls to watch it.  But I finally found a set and watched.  Well, not so much watched, but peeked through my hands over my eyes, or fast-forwarded through the scary bits.  I'm such a wimp.

Kids came back in and were making a whole heap of noise. I started getting a headache and Master 8 said his cold was getting worse and had a headache too. Funny how it never stopped him making noise.

The Husband cooked dinner so I could have the night off.  We had nuggets and chips.  Not quite what I imagined for my birthday dinner but at least he cooked something, right? If you can call throwing frozen food on a tray and putting it in the oven for 20 minutes - "cooking".

Next was the cake.  The Husband outdid himself again and thankfully bought me a cake rather than trying to make me one considering all his cakes look more like pancakes because he beats the crap out of them. What can I say - The Husband has a heck of a wrist action on him ;).

Miss 3 ran into the room to tell me she had a surprise for me and was then presented with THE CAKE!

Chocolate mudcake....Mmmmmm

The kids were soon after sent to bed where I indulged my dark and gloomy mood by watching Black Swan for the first time. Suited my mood perfectly.

Not long after it finished Master 8 decided to get up and tell me he felt sick and then proceeded to throw up all over the place. Yay. So I spent the rest of the night nursing a sick boy and smelling like spew.  Chicken nuggets mixed with mudcake looks really unusual when you see it come back at you.

Sunday was spent at my parents house where I was showered with love and attention.  Which was great except for the headache I was still struggling with.  The cake they gave me soon fixed it.

And then the present which I've had a fun time playing around with since....

So all in all, a pretty good birthday, even though I hate having birthdays.  I hate to think how much I'm going to be a bitch next year.  Better find some happy pills or drink ridiculous amounts of alcohol to dull the pain.

Oh and it's probably worth saying that I really and truly appreciate the effort The Husband put in to make my birthday a happy one. It's not his fault I was in a mood, so if he reads this - Honey, thank you sooo much for showering me with love on my birthday.  Smooshy smooshy xoxo







Oh, and I did buy myself a birthday present.

Behold!!!

Me....Mrs Practicality bought new tyres for the MILF-mobile. Aren't they pretty?

Slight birthday excitement

It's my birthday on Saturday.

I will be 34.

I don't like birthdays.

Actually, that's a lie. I LOVE other people's birthdays, I just don't like my own.  I don't like getting older. Sucks monkey balls - big time.

But I am a smidgen excited this time.

Mostly because Mum and Dad have told me they're buying me a Kindle.

Oooh, I can feel my nerd juices flowing already.  I'm a massive reader and space is now becoming an issue because of all the books I read - so this solves that issue immediately!

Reading is my way to escape the drudgery of my life.  Also great for pretending not to hear the kids whining they're hungry or the husband begging for a bit of special cuddles.  Anyone who interrupts my reading better look the hell out.  I do not do "disturbed" well at all.

The Husband has also told me he's gotten me something that I'm going to looooove.

Funnily, I doubt it.  Sometimes he has some strange ideas about what I love (although, thankfully, he does try).

What do I call strange?

How about the vibrator and lube I got for Mother's Day?

Awkward much?

What are the strangest gifts you've ever received?