Tuesday, August 9, 2011
My parenting - My way
Take a step into any parenting forum online and you'll soon see, quite clearly, how parenting can vary between one person and the next.
Take a step into any parenting forum online and you'll soon see how some women will attack other's for their parenting choices.
I've seen it so many times I've lost count. And it never fails to make me sick when I see mums being attacked for the way they parent their own children.
In my own experiences, these often come from the so-called "alternative" parents (I'm not saying "all", I have some very good "natural parenting" mums I consider good friends).
But while they are a small group, they have a very loud voice and are always quick to state their opinion LOUD and CLEAR.
It starts from pregnancy and never stops.....
"What? You're seeing an obstetrician? Don't you KNOW all they want to do is slice you up and take your money?
"You're having a c-section? Don't you KNOW there is absolutely NO REASON why you can't give birth naturally? Tell your OB to stick it."
"You're having an epidural? Don't you KNOW the risks involved? How that one injection will start a cascade of intervention ending with an emergency c-section?"
"You chose to bottle-feed your baby? How could you be so selfish to deny your baby such an important thing like breastmilk?"
"You're using disposable nappies? My god, think of the environment! Do you not care about your children's future?"
"You're doing controlled crying? Don't you KNOW your child will be scarred for life and will forever have abandonment issues?
"You're baby doesn't sleep in your bed? Don't you CARE that your baby wants you near you?"
Honestly, I could go on and on.
These are just a few of the things I've heard over the years - along with one friend being told her child will be obese because he was bottle-fed and another mum being told her child will become a mentally mal-adjusted serial killer because her bub was born by c-section.
Why do women do this to each other? I could not give a RAT'S ASS how a baby got here, what they were fed, where they slept or what type of nappy is on their bum. All I care about is whether that baby is loved. And they always are - most wholeheartedly.
I don't support the methods of parenting - I support the parents that are using those methods and if it works for them, even if it's different from what I do with my own children, then GOOD ON THEM.
Why some have to belittle other's choices is COMPLETELY beyond me. Do they ever think of the harm they could be causing? I would never in A MILLION YEARS tell a women to disregard what their doctor told them!! Yeah yeah, I know, a woman's body was designed to give birth and we've been doing it since the dawn of time.
A lot of women have fucking died giving birth since the dawn of time. Funny how that never seems come up though - selective memories I think.
I would loved to have homebirthed, but part of me felt safer in a hospital - so fucking shoot me - that somehow makes me a lesser parent, because I cared enough that I wanted me and my baby/ies to be safe?
I would loved to have breastfed my children for longer than I did, but I couldn't. It's not that I didn't want to, I just couldn't. So stop making me feel even more shit than I already do.
I don't like my kids sleeping in my bed because I can't sleep when they're in it. And I value my sleep. Call me selfish - whatever. I need sleep in order to function so I don't run us off the road the next day when I fall asleep while driving.
I use dummies, I use disposable nappies, sometimes I yell and sometimes my kids get a smack. I don't care what anyone else thinks about what I do - I just know what works for us and what keeps me reasonably sane each day. If you gave birth under a tree, breastfed, carried your baby in a sling for all hours of the day and slept in the same bed, well then good for you - glad your happy. Doesn't mean I'm a shittier parent then you.
The end result is that we love our kids more than anything. So what if the method is different?
I'd be interested to hear your thoughts.